Thoughts on Marriage

A noun for sacred phase of life. For most people, marriage is a desired situation they HAVE TO accomplish during their lifetime. But not for me. This word scared me.

I am not against marriage. There are people who happily married to their loved ones and living a happy life. But that does not apply to everyone. There are people who suffer from their marriage and keeping it only for the sake of the children or to maintain their image in the society. I used to watch Disney Princesses while growing up. I used to dream of extravagant wedding, huge cake, shimmery gown, and this and that. Then I realize that they only show that side of marriage. 

As I get older, I witness the despair of living with legal partner. Love is no longer a thing, loyalty is just merely sleeping on the same bed, and arguing is what you do in daily basis which sometimes lead to abusive behaviour. Then, who's the one to blame ? You or your partner ? No. We are not talking about who is at fault here. But if I have to pick one, it's the society. Our society tends to romanticizing marriage, setting it as a goal, making it as indicator of success and happy life. NO. That is totally wrong. I can not agree with that. By marrying someone, you consciously and legally agree to live with them for reasonable amount of time. It should be for a lifetime as marriage for me is 'marry' and 'aging'. They said, every marriage has different issues and it is normal to have some. But, if your partner is abusive (mentally and physically) and this whole things drain you, why do you keep holding on? Let go. It is okay. 

I am scared of marriage. I am scared of facing unwanted things. I am scared of hurting my kids by arguing with my legal partner. I am scared of letting out my anger to my kids. I am scared of hurting myself. I know I am just being insecure. But if you were in my position, you might be on my sides. 

To everyone reading this, whatever your choice is/was, I hope it is/was the best for you. I wish you happy whether you are marrying someone or not. Please remember that your happiness matter more than anything else in this world. 

With love,

Sol.